


Pick Me Up

by Arlome



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Bad Pick-Up Lines, Chloe KNOWS, F/M, Fluff and Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-18
Updated: 2018-12-18
Packaged: 2019-09-22 04:23:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17053052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlome/pseuds/Arlome
Summary: Chloe has a serious question that only the Master of Desire can answer.She never could handle her liquor...Response to the Lucifer Bingo prompt, "miscommunication".





	Pick Me Up

She’d always had quite a low tolerance for alcohol. 

It may have had something to do with the uptight cop persona or the tabloidized youthful mistakes made during her brief acting career; whatever it was, her body seemed to protest loudly and in quite an undignified manner whenever she poured more than two margaritas down her throat. 

She’d definitely had one too many tonight, but the company was lovely, and the liberating buzz of dubious decision making was more than servicing her purpose. 

Sitting on the Devil’s luxurious couch, with her bare feet propped on his knees, and his fingers pressing softly into her ankle, she’d decided that one-too-many were not really that awful from time to time. 

“So, go one, tell me,” she prompted her partner, bringing her glass of wine somewhat unsteadily to her lips, “what was the _worst_ pick-up line you’ve _ever_ heard- and you’re not allowed to say, “did it hurt when you fell down from heaven – that’s cheating!” 

Lucifer laughed and took a small sip from his scotch, shaking his head playfully.

“You’re never going to believe me,” he said, gliding his fingers upwards to massage her shin, “I hardly believed it myself when I heard it!”

Chloe hit him lightly with her free hand, nearly upsetting her wine; Lucifer laughed again. He had this lovely carefree laugh in her presence at times like these – when they were alone and content– that made her body tingle in a very pleasant way. 

“Well, now you’ve got to tell me!” she demanded, pushing at his thigh with her bare foot.

Lucifer leaned into her personal space, and her breath quickened. He licked his lips sensuously, his eyes dropping to her mouth.

“You may be a rotten banana,” he purred, his voice dropping an octave or so, “but I am one hungry monkey.”

Chloe’s eyes widened, her brain finally catching up with her ears.

“ _No!_ ” she cried, laughing hysterically, “you’re joking! Where?”

“Here at Lux, of all places, “he answered, smiling, and his eyes crinkled in that lovely, genuine way that she liked so much, “I was appalled, I don’t mind telling you.”

“I bet you were,” she giggled, pushing at his thigh again until he got the hint and returned his magic fingers to her ankle, “And? What happened?”

“Well, the girl punched him in the face, obviously,” he said, eyes wide, as he gestured with his own glass, “and a good thing, too. Because I was about to punch him for her, and we all know how that might have ended.” He grew pensive suddenly, his eyes downcast and fixed on a faraway spot on his carpet, “The girl, she wasn’t good looking, you know?” he asked, frowning, and lifted his gaze to look at Chloe, “but she didn’t deserve that arse and his shitty come-ons.” 

Touched by the bout of chivalry, she leaned in and touched Lucifer’s jaw softly; his eyes softened in such a lovely way that she had to almost physically restrain herself from kissing him.

“I’m sure you made her feel better.”

A glint of pride blazed in his eyes, and Chloe smiled triumphantly; he was back.

“Free drinks on the house for the rest of the night for her and her friends,” he confirmed smugly, his grin wide and playful.

“You slept with her, didn’t you?” Chloe deadpanned, her left eyebrow arched; of course, he did.

Lucifer shrugged defensively and took a sip from his drink, leaning back a few centimetres. 

“She had such a fire in her, I liked it,” he explained warily, ready to close-off at her first frown, “and she left Lux in the morning feeling good about herself; I’m not going to apologise about that.”

Sensing that this lovely, intimate evening between them was about to spiral towards disaster if she didn’t do something and fast, Chloe shook her head at her partner and smiled placatingly.

“I didn’t mean it like that,” she said and drank some more wine for fortitude; the sober cop was waiting around the corner to apprehend her buzz, “you’ve got nothing to apologise about.”

“Oh,” he said, looking surprised, “Okay, Detective.”

She smiled again and winked at him, and that seemed to perk him up and drag him back to the nice moment they were sharing before the talk got somewhat hostile. He sipped his scotch slowly, savouring the taste, his eyes studying her over the rim of the glass.

“So, any other horrendous pick-up lines?” she asked, clearing her throat, trying to get back on track desperately.

Lucifer’s eyes took on a faraway look, and he frowned, clearly reaching back into his memory chest to rummage around in it for something sufficiently dreadful.

“Oh!” he declared triumphantly, the revelation hitting him hard in the face, “Oh, this is a good one! Heard it here at Lux, too, actually; on the dance floor, when I was passing by, there was this young woman who leaned over her dance partner and whispered in his ear, ‘put your laffa bread in my tabun oven’. I couldn’t stop laughing!”

Chloe nearly choked on her sip of wine; there was no dignified way of coughing up liquor. Laughing wildly, Lucifer offered his pocket square to her.

“Don’t be embarrassed, darling,” he soothed, patting her on her back, as she dabbed frantically at her blouse, “this was _exactly_ my reaction, too.” 

And then she was coughing and laughing, and he was leaning against her for support, breathless with mirth, and everything was good again. And when the laughter stopped, and only smiles and giggles remained, she put her glass on the table and took his from his unresisting fingers. Determined, she crawled into his lap, ignoring the look of utter surprise on his handsome face, and bravely leaned forward to whisper in his ear, “so, how about we bake some laffa bread?”

When his astonished laughter shook her form, a relieved smile graced her lips; this might just work, after all.

But then, he took hold of her arms and pushed her softly for him, so he could look at her; the smile on his face a bit sad and full of longing. 

“Chloe, darling,” he said softly, his eyes deep and wistful, “you’re clearly drunk…”

She saved him from his misplaced gallantry with a quick kiss.

“You idiot,” she said fondly, caressing his stubbled cheek, “this isn’t me throwing myself drunk at you because Dan just broke up with me, this is me throwing myself drunk at you because I am too nervous to do this sober.”

The astonished look on his face turned into disbelief at first, and then swiftly morphed into fond delight.

“Darling,” he sighed, looking at her like she was the one to hang the sun in the skies instead of him, “don’t be silly…what have _you_ got to be nervous about?”

Chloe, face red and flaming, shrugged and gave him a sheepish smile.

“Lucifer, I’ve seen some of your lovers, remember?” she asked, fiddling with a button on his jacket, “I mean, a Tibetan singing bowl and artisan honey? Really? I’m just an uptight cop who likes to stay at home and play monopoly with her daughter – “

The touch of his knuckles against her jaw stopped her rant and made her look up at him. He was smiling, bright and genuine, and for a moment Chloe got a secret glimpse into how he may have looked before, in Heaven.

The Lightbringer.

“Chloe, no one compares to you,” he said simply, looking at her with so much awe and wonder in his face, that she found it hard to take his words as empty flattery.

“Lucifer…” she breathed, blushing comely at his words. This was a far better outcome than she’d anticipated.

“Devil, remember?” he asked, smiling, completely misreading her look, “I don’t lie, love.”

She didn’t care that the force of her kiss was probably bruising his now vulnerable lips, or that her eager fumbling with his jacket and vest smacked of desperation; she was finally, _finally_ , about to get her heart’s desire and she’d be damned ( _ha-ha_ ) if anything stopped her from ravishing the Devil.

“So...?” she asked, breathlessly, shifting spiritedly in his hard lap. 

His groan resonated deep in her belly, kindling a delicious burning at the apex of her thighs.

“So,” he purred against her neck, and rose to his feet with her in hands in one fluid motion, “let’s get your tabun oven hot and ready to go, shall we?”

Her delighted laughter could be heard all the way down to the empty club.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure you'd be delighted to know, boys and girls, that both horrendous pick-up lines are 100 per cent alive and kicking!  
> Yes, yes! Aren't we all lucky?!
> 
> This little piece is dedicated to my best friend, Efi, who said that if anybody ever approached her using the banana-monkey line, she'd be so mightily impressed, she'd absolutely go for it! :D


End file.
